The Emotional Aftermath

One of the experiences of many cancer survivors is the flood of emotions that come after treatment is finished. These emotions cover the whole gamut from relief, joy, and elation, to anxiety, fear, anger, and sadness. Susan Nessim devotes a whole chapter to it in her book “Can Survive: Reclaiming Your Life After Cancer” It seems that when we are undergoing treatment, much of our focus and energy is directed towards coping with the treatment regime and side-effects. When treatment is done some of the emotional stuff we’ve been unconsciously repressing surfaces and needs to be dealt with. I guess it is kind of like a delayed stress reaction to a traumatic event in our lives.

This experience hit me fairly hard after my first diagnosis and treatment. I had very positive results from my surgery and chemo and there was no evidence of cancer when it was all through. Wow! I felt such relief, gratitude and gladness. It was so wonderful to share this time with the family and friends that supported us through the difficult journey.

And yet, at the same time, I was affected by more "afflictive" emotions as well. I was worried about what the future would bring. Would I have a recurrence? What then? I was particularly upset about being sidelined for so long in my ministry and concerned about the implications for my job. I was on disability for a whole year and it took its toll financially (there’s almost always financial concerns for cancer patients!). Pam and I needed to make some important decisions regarding my work life and our living arrangements.

I was very easily moved to tears during this time, tears of relief, gratitude, and joy as well as tears of grief, sadness, and loss. I took an extended period of time off after treatment to recover and enjoy some holiday time. Pam and I finally decided to sell our lovely townhouse in North Van and moved into a sweet little “empty nest” condo in the West End of Downtown Vancouver.

The move freed up enough cash for us to enjoy a wonderful summer with trips to Vancouver Island with the Spirit Singers, Edmonton (to get Robyn set up at university), Shushwap Lake with Dave and Sandra, Kelowna to visit Jack and Gail, and the big East Coast swing with all our girls to Nova Scotia, Ontario, New York City, and Cape Cod to visit family. It was a great celebration of life and we marked the 1 year anniversary of my diagnosis at a Yankee Stadium to see the Blue Jays trounce the Yankees!

Gradually my emotional climate found a place of equilibrium. With each new scan showing “no evidence of cancer” my future horizon began to open up again. And life went on…

TTFN… Rob; in Vancouver

“The great metaphors from all spiritual traditions — grace, liberation, being born again, awakening from illusion — testify that it is possible to transcend the conditioning of my past and do a new thing.” Sam Keen