Audacter et Strenue

Our Pollock’s came to Lachute, Quebec from Paisley, Renfrewshire in Scotland where they were weavers. They were part of a major immigration of Scots to Quebec in the early 1800’s. The Pollock name has taken on various forms in North America including Pogue and Polk. President James Polk, 11th US President, comes from the Pollock’s of Renfrewshire.

The name Pollock itself is derived from the lands of the parish of Pollock, in Renfrewshire, Scotland. The name is from the Gaelic “Pollag”, 'a little, pool, pit, or pond'.

The Pollock badge and coat of arms features the wild boar, passant (ie walking), pierced by an arrow or lance. The boar in heraldry typically means bravery and fierceness (fighting spirit), the boar “fights to the death”. I relate well to the arrow in the side of the boar as a symbol of “woundedness” which, in my case, refers to my many cancer scars... Ouch!!

The Pollock motto, Audacter et Strenue, is usually translated "boldly and strongly".
audacter, audaciter : boldly, proudly, fearlessly.
strenue, strenuus : brisk, active, vigorous/ turbulent, restive.

The characteristics of boldness (audaciousness) and strength take on new meaning for me as I dedicate myself to overcoming this dread disease. I love the word “audacious”. It names a radical, risky, unrestrained type of boldness that describes the type of “audacious hope” we need to have in the face of life-threatening circumstances.

“Audacious” has found its way into today’s business lexicon through the term BHAG. Pronounced BeeHAG, it’s an acronym for a Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal. It names a clear and bold vision for the future. I have a BHAG for my future and it has to do with being around to celebrate a 50 year anniversary with my beloved Pam!! (We just had our 28th). I look forward to each day in the meantime!

Here’s hoping… Robertus De Pollock;

“The very least you can do in your life
is to figure out what you hope for.
And the most you can do
is live inside that hope.”
Barbara Kingsolver

Will to Live

Foundations of Healing #1:  

In “The Mapmakers Wife” , Robert Whitaker tells the story of an 18th century Peruvian woman who makes a remarkable journey from the Andes Mountains down the Amazon River to be reunited with her beloved husband Jean. Isabel Godin left her home in 1770 with a large party which included her brothers, a nephew, and a fair complement of slaves, servants, guides, and mules.

Shortly into the journey things go terribly wrong and she finds herself alone and lost in the jungle of the upper Amazon. Isabel endured over 6 weeks of wandering in the jungle. During this time she watched her brothers and nephew die of starvation and was beset by plagues of ants, mosquitoes, botflies, and other nasty insects. Against all odds Isabel was found, survived, recovered, and completed her journey.

In reflecting on Isabel’s ordeal and remarkable survival Whitaker states that what seems to count most in survival is “an inner psychological strength nurtured by purpose, hope, and spiritual beliefs”. He also points out that Isabel was “experienced in a humble act practiced by nearly all survivors… prayer”. For Isabel the commitment to be reunited with Jean formed a compelling "will to live" which sustained her in the end. 

When it comes to living with cancer, a strong "will to live" will influence a person to become proactive in seeking and evaluating treatment options.  A strong "will to live" will empower a person to become more assertive in dealing with the medical system. And a strong "will to live" will help to push a person through treatment regimes that, while potentially life-saving, can be very life-limiting while in the midst of them (chemo, surgery, radiation, etc.). 

There comes a day when we may "relinquish" our "will to live".    I've personally witnessed this in people as they draw near to death and literally "let go" into a peaceful and grace filled acceptence of the end.   Discerning the time for this "letting go" is one of the most important pieces of soul-work we can do as we face the terminal stages of cancer or other life-threatening conditions.

My own will to live continues to be strong.  I have a wonderful family life that is filled with love, I have a meaningful vocation that continues to be fruitful, I am relatively "young", and I love this life and want to get as much out of it as possible.

A strong "will to live", in and of itself, is obviously not going to get us through everything.  Many people die in possession of the strongest possible "will to live".  What it will provide is purpose for the journey and courage for the work along the way.Carpe Diem... Rob
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“I want my will to live to be strong. I want to get as much time out of this as possible. And so I need to work at that with complete focus and dedication and clarity and concentration, and right effort. And yet, at the same time, be unattached to the results either way. Pain is not punishment, death is not failure, life is not reward.”
Treya Killam Wilber

originally posted June 2007

We Are Not Alone

Living with cancer means living in the midst of a community of saints and angels who  share their stories, their wisdom, their pain, and their joy with us, both in person and through the medium of the written word. I’ve come to know these people as "heroes" although I’m sure none of them would see themselves as such. Some, Like Lance Armstrong, have enjoyed long-term survival and cure against incredible odds. Others, like Terry Fox, have walked the path of death with incredible grace and dignity. Collectively these saints and angels guide and accompany us on our journeys, wherever they should lead.

One such guide for me is Treya Killam Wilber. Treya Killam was diagnosed with cancer a few days after her marriage to philosopher and author Ken Wilber. They cancelled their honeymoon plans and spent the better part of the next 5 years on a journey of cancer care and healing before she eventually died in 1989. Their story is told with profound intimacy and tenderness in the book “Grace and Grit: Spirituality and Healing in the Life and Death of Treya Killam Wilber” .

Treya was a woman of deep wisdom with a great gift for journaling through which she has shared her insights with us.

Some excerpts that continue to inspre me…

“I’m certain I played a role in my becoming ill. A role that was mostly unconscious and unintentional. And I know that I play a large role, this one very conscious and intentional, in getting well and staying well!” TKW

“I want my will to live to be strong. I want to get as much time out of this as possible. And so I need to work at that with complete focus and dedication and clarity and concentration, and right effort. And yet, at the same time, be unattached to the results either way. Pain is not punishment, death is not failure, life is not reward.” TKW

Cancer would certainly be a part of my life from now on, but not simply in terms of constant check-ups and of constant awareness of the possibility of a recurrence. I was going to use it in as many ways as possible.

Philosophically... to get me to look at death more closely, to help me prepare to die when the time came, and to look at the meaning and purpose of my life.
Spiritually,... to rekindle my interest in finding and following a contemplative path.

Psychologically... to be kinder and more loving to myself and others and to express my anger more easily.

Materially... to eat mainly fresh whole foods and to exercise regularly. Mostly, to be gentle with myself.” TKW

In Treya's writing, "will to live" and "intentionality" are held in a gentle tension with a healthy sense of "detachment" which respects the physical limits and vulnerability of our common humanity. In the end Treya lives and dies with a quality which her husband Ken describes as "passionate equanimity", an elusive peace in the midst of profound paradox.

Peace and Blessings...
Rob
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"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but rather, of playing a bad hand well!" Robert Louis Stevenson

originally posted in June 2007