The Bowels of Compassion

Compassion is that wonderful human capacity to share deeply with others in their pain and suffering. It is a feeling that emerges in the gut, the bowels, the ancient bodily location of love and pity. Today we tend to identify compassion and love more frequently with the heart. It was not always so.

One Greek word that is translated into compassion in the ancient stories of biblical healing is Splagchnizomai.

splangkh-nid'-zom-ahee to be moved as to one's bowels, hence to be moved with compassion, have compassion (for the bowels were thought to be the seat of love and pity). The New Testament Greek Lexicon

 This root of compassion speaks of a deep "visceral" yearning or moving in the very “bowels of our being” when confronted with the suffering of another. Compassion reminds us of the deep interconnection we have with all life. Compassion transcends all of the superficial divisions we set up to keep ourselves separate and isolated. It unites us in the most diverse and dire of situations.

Our capacity to experience compassion develops more deeply as we become aware of our own vulnerability and suffering. In the words of Sogyal Rinpoche… "when we finally know we are dying, and all other sentient beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings.”

More than just a gut feeling, compassion motivates us to live and act in ways that alleviate the suffering of others. Even if it just means listening to someone’s story or holding someone in our laps in the midst of great trauma and chaos.

With Love… Rob; in Vancouver

“But it’s hard to explain, Mitch. Now that I am suffering, I feel closer to others who are suffering than I ever did before.”

Tuesdays with Morrie

Originally posted in July 2007

I'll Pray for You

These short pieces from Father Eugene Kennedy say a lot about what prayer means in terms of our relationship to one another.

"A change actually occurs between two persons when one promises sincerely to pray for the other. The former has actually placed him/herself into a new kind of relationship with the one to whom they have made the promise. He/she has committed themself to the other's world of personal concern..."

Kennedy sees prayer as someting much deeper than a simple wishing of "Good Luck!" or "Bon Voyage"....

"It means we that we have redefined ourselves in relation to our friend, that we have enlarged the boundaries of ourselves in order to stand closer to the other at a time when that is exactly what they need.  A shift occurs when we cast the votes of our time, attention, and prayers for another human being.  We are, through the power of the spirit and the reality of our committment, with them in a new and vitalizing way... We communicate faith, hope, and love in a truly living way."

Father Kennedy's understanding has helped me to view prayer as a way of deepening the relationships I am in.   In the silence of prayer I can practice a type of "mindfulness" that allows me to become more aware of  how I am connected to others.  In this way I am reminded of my relationship with all of humanity and indeed all life.

It is at once both gratifying and humbling to be aware that others are praying for you in this way.  During the time of my illness I have been supported by the prayer and love of thousands.  I remember once going to a health clinic for my flu shot.  When I gave the attending nurse my name, she said "I know you.  We pray for you and your family in my church."  I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude to know that this "stranger" had committed me to her circle of care and compassion.

Prayer in this way transcends the variety of religious traditions we know in the world.  It becomes a way of making the stranger a friend, of reconciling with an enemy, of healing relationships that are broken or strained, and of making peace in the world.

May it be so.

Rob; in Vancouver

“The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another.”
Thomas Merton

To Everything There is a Season

"To everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven…A time to be born and a time to die…” Ecclesiastes

 

In the course of my life as a minister I have spent much time in the presence of the dying and the bereaved. The names of those I have accompanied through these stages are written in my journals and their stories inspire my life and ministry. I believe that to walk with someone through the final stages of life is one of the most sacred experiences we can have.

From a spiritual perspective, "palliative", or "end-of-life", care is very much a service of “accompaniment”. The word accompaniment really names it well when you look at the Latin roots com-panis, "with bread". To accompany is to “break bread with”. It is to walk the journey with another as a companion for a particular and significant stage of life. When I remember those who have accompanied me in the difficult stages of my journey, I think of the following qualities that I value in them:

• availability and commitment;
• an ability to be a “non-anxious" presence;
• honesty, humility, and compassion;
• a capacity to both listen and reflect;
• a comfort level with silence;
• a sense of humor; and
• a certain wisdom that comes from experience.

It is also important to me to have a person who shares somewhat of my spiritual orientation. In that way we can use a common language of symbol, story and prayer.

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A particular challenge for the person living in the advanced stages of cancer is, “knowing when to let go”.  It seems to me that in the cancer journey there is a time to fight the "dragon" with all of the weapons we can muster. I've also seen that there can come a time when it's helpful to "let go", so that the final stage can be one of peace and dignity and not one of prolonged pain and suffering.

"Letting go" is not giving up. Death is not defeat or failure. It’s not about winning or losing, but rather about accepting the very imminent reality of our mortality. My experience has been that when the terminally ill reach the place of "letting go" a deep peace follows for the individual, their family, and their friends. Discerning the time of this transition is deeply personal and needs to be respected by caregivers and family alike.

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End-of-life care belongs to the family. It is another area of medicine which is being reclaimed through patient and family empowerment and education. Many hospitals and communities now have progressive Palliative Care programs that help our loved ones through the final stages of life with dignity and respect.

In Canada, Dr. David Kuhl has written an insightful book on palliative care. “What Dying People Want: Practical Wisdom for the End of Life” is an excellent account of David’s 15 year experience of palliative care in Vancouver. In it he addresses such issues as: Time and Anxiety; Bad News; Physical Pain; Life Review; Speaking the Truth; Self-Realization; and Transcendence.

In the US, Dr. Ira Byock has written and advocated extensively on end-of-life care. His website, http://www.dyingwell.org/, has numerous helpful resources and an excellent synopsis of the “Developmental Landmarks and Taskwork for the End of Life”. It is helpful reading if you, or a loved one, are facing end-of-life issues.

In peace... Rob; in Vancouver

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity". Gilda Radner

originally posted in July 2007

Emotional Connection

Foundations of Healing #6: 

"Our true reality is in our identity and unity
with all life."

Joseph Campbell

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I’ve recently reconnected with an online cancer support group through the American Cancer Society. The Cancer Survivors Network (CSN) brings survivors and caregivers together into a "virtual community" of mutual care and support. The online feature of this group has helped me to connect during times in which I am very much cut-off from community and friends because of my illness. Discussion groups on CSN are formed around various cancer types. I’m connected to the colorectal cancer group, or as they refer to themselves, the “semicolons”!! ;-) ;-)

I am always a little wary of "online community".  My experience has been that it rarely becomes "authentic" in terms of meaningful connections and shared life.  Anonymity and indifference, the great detractors of community life, can abound in on-line communities making it difficult to create a safe place where folks can open up and connect at the levels of heart and soul.   Somehow though... this particular "semi-colon" group seems to have been able to overcome many of the obstacles inherent in online communication to create a truly worthwhile community.

There is something very powerful and healing about talking with others who have shared my experience. Hearing the stories of healing and recovery provides me with a genuine source of hope and courage. Hearing the stories of those who are suffering recurrences or setbacks reminds me that I am not alone when things are going bad. Having a safe place where I am able to share my own experiences helps me to relinquish some of my fears and worries and provides an outlet for both lament and celebration. No matter what I am going through at the moment there are others who have shared a similar experience and who are available to give emotional support, share advice on conventional and alternative treatments, provide encouragement, or just simply listen.

Cancer support groups, on-line or otherwise, are one way of making emotional connections.  There are, or course, many others.  I am particularly blessed in this area by a rich circle of family, friends, and colleagues who support and sustain me on the journey.  All part of the firm "Foundations of Healing" in my cancer journey!

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Vickie Girard in her book “There’s No Place Like Hope” looked up the meaning of support and had this to say…

“I once looked up “support” in the dictionary. It says: “To carry the weight; To maintain position to keep from falling, sinking, or slipping; To be able to bear – withstand; To keep from falling or yielding during stress; To furnish corroborating evidence; To aid the cause of by approving, favoring, advocating; To take action.” What a wonderful definition! Believe me, every single word applies to the experience of belonging to a cancer patient support group.” Vickie Girard

AMEN to that!!

Have a truly great day!! Rob

"Whenever we take the trouble to plumb the depths of an experience and extract from it all it contains, the simplest as well as the most hidden, we cease to speak of ourselves and ourselves alone. Instead, we enter the realm of the most precious, the realm of universal experience, which we share with all others."

Jacques Lusseyran

We Are Not Alone

Living with cancer means living in the midst of a community of saints and angels who  share their stories, their wisdom, their pain, and their joy with us, both in person and through the medium of the written word. I’ve come to know these people as "heroes" although I’m sure none of them would see themselves as such. Some, Like Lance Armstrong, have enjoyed long-term survival and cure against incredible odds. Others, like Terry Fox, have walked the path of death with incredible grace and dignity. Collectively these saints and angels guide and accompany us on our journeys, wherever they should lead.

One such guide for me is Treya Killam Wilber. Treya Killam was diagnosed with cancer a few days after her marriage to philosopher and author Ken Wilber. They cancelled their honeymoon plans and spent the better part of the next 5 years on a journey of cancer care and healing before she eventually died in 1989. Their story is told with profound intimacy and tenderness in the book “Grace and Grit: Spirituality and Healing in the Life and Death of Treya Killam Wilber” .

Treya was a woman of deep wisdom with a great gift for journaling through which she has shared her insights with us.

Some excerpts that continue to inspre me…

“I’m certain I played a role in my becoming ill. A role that was mostly unconscious and unintentional. And I know that I play a large role, this one very conscious and intentional, in getting well and staying well!” TKW

“I want my will to live to be strong. I want to get as much time out of this as possible. And so I need to work at that with complete focus and dedication and clarity and concentration, and right effort. And yet, at the same time, be unattached to the results either way. Pain is not punishment, death is not failure, life is not reward.” TKW

Cancer would certainly be a part of my life from now on, but not simply in terms of constant check-ups and of constant awareness of the possibility of a recurrence. I was going to use it in as many ways as possible.

Philosophically... to get me to look at death more closely, to help me prepare to die when the time came, and to look at the meaning and purpose of my life.
Spiritually,... to rekindle my interest in finding and following a contemplative path.

Psychologically... to be kinder and more loving to myself and others and to express my anger more easily.

Materially... to eat mainly fresh whole foods and to exercise regularly. Mostly, to be gentle with myself.” TKW

In Treya's writing, "will to live" and "intentionality" are held in a gentle tension with a healthy sense of "detachment" which respects the physical limits and vulnerability of our common humanity. In the end Treya lives and dies with a quality which her husband Ken describes as "passionate equanimity", an elusive peace in the midst of profound paradox.

Peace and Blessings...
Rob
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"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but rather, of playing a bad hand well!" Robert Louis Stevenson

originally posted in June 2007