Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, November 7, 2009
The Funny Pages
Here are a couple of old jokes to bring a smile to your day...
BASEBALL IN HEAVEN...
Two old baseball buddies with lung cancer were chatting on a park bench. Paul says, "I hope they have a baseball team in heaven." "Me too", says Jack. "Tell you what", says Paul, "If I die first, I'll give you a message about whether there is baseball in Heaven. If you die first, you can do the same for me." A year later, Paul is dead and Jack is sitting on the park bench when he hears: "Jack, it's me, Paul. I have great news! Guess what. There really is a baseball team in heaven." "Thank God", sighs Jack, "Now I can die in peace." "I'm glad you feel that way," says Paul, "because you're pitching tomorrow!
A UNIQUE IRISH CELEBRATION...
An Irishman named Mike O'Leary went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Mike in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have a cancer known as Galloping Leukemia and it can't be cured. I give you two weeks to a month." Mike, who was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son, who had been waiting.
Mike said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints." After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs, some tears, and more beers.
They were eventually approached by some of Mike's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Mike told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."
The friends gave O'Leary their condolences and they all had a few more beers. After his friends left, Mike's son leaned over and whispered in confusion, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS."
Mike replied, "I am dying from cancer, son. I just don't want any of those blokes sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
___________________________
Have a great weekend... Rob
"Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage." Erma Bombeck
BASEBALL IN HEAVEN...
Two old baseball buddies with lung cancer were chatting on a park bench. Paul says, "I hope they have a baseball team in heaven." "Me too", says Jack. "Tell you what", says Paul, "If I die first, I'll give you a message about whether there is baseball in Heaven. If you die first, you can do the same for me." A year later, Paul is dead and Jack is sitting on the park bench when he hears: "Jack, it's me, Paul. I have great news! Guess what. There really is a baseball team in heaven." "Thank God", sighs Jack, "Now I can die in peace." "I'm glad you feel that way," says Paul, "because you're pitching tomorrow!
A UNIQUE IRISH CELEBRATION...An Irishman named Mike O'Leary went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Mike in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have a cancer known as Galloping Leukemia and it can't be cured. I give you two weeks to a month." Mike, who was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son, who had been waiting.
Mike said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints." After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs, some tears, and more beers.
They were eventually approached by some of Mike's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Mike told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."
The friends gave O'Leary their condolences and they all had a few more beers. After his friends left, Mike's son leaned over and whispered in confusion, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS."
Mike replied, "I am dying from cancer, son. I just don't want any of those blokes sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
___________________________
Have a great weekend... Rob
"Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage." Erma Bombeck
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The Funny Pages
Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:
10.Has anyone seen my watch?
9. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
8. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
6. Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingy
5. What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
4. Damn, there go the lights again...
3. Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
2. What do you mean, he's not insured?
And the #1 thing you don't want to hear during surgery...
... Oops!
Beautiful:
A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful." Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later, her husband woke up and said, "You're cute." Startled, she asked him, "What happened to 'beautiful?'" He replied, "The drugs are wearing off."
Have a truly great day... Rob;
“There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.” Rufus Wainwright
10.Has anyone seen my watch?
9. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
8. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
6. Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingy
5. What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
4. Damn, there go the lights again...
3. Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
2. What do you mean, he's not insured?
And the #1 thing you don't want to hear during surgery...
... Oops!
Beautiful:
A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful." Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later, her husband woke up and said, "You're cute." Startled, she asked him, "What happened to 'beautiful?'" He replied, "The drugs are wearing off."
Have a truly great day... Rob;
“There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.” Rufus Wainwright
originally posted June 2007
Friday, October 2, 2009
Colorectal Surgeon Song
This is just too good not to be shared again!
Enjoy
Have a great day!!!
Rob
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Have a great day!!!
Rob
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"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken
is sung."
Voltaire
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Lou Rawls Colonoscopy
Back by popular demand! The Lou Rawls Colonoscopy!
Enjoy this clip of "Dr. Lou Rawls" administering a colonoscopy to Damon Wayons.
Whoever dreams this stuff up... God bless 'em!!
Rob; in Vancouver
Enjoy this clip of "Dr. Lou Rawls" administering a colonoscopy to Damon Wayons.
Whoever dreams this stuff up... God bless 'em!!
Rob; in Vancouver
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Evolution of Dance
Again with the dance!! This is the most viewed of YOUTUBE clips. 52 million hits!! If you can't play it within this window go to...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg
Rob... (_*_)
"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh." Friedrich Nietzsche
Saturday, July 14, 2007
The Funny Pages
Top Ten Ways To Know You Are A Cancer Survivor
10 Your alarm clock goes off at 6 a.m. and you're glad to hear it.
9. Your mother-in-law invites you to lunch and you just say NO.
8. You're back in the family rotation to take out the garbage.
7. When you no longer have an urge to choke the person who says, "all you need to beat cancer is the right attitude."
6. When your dental floss runs out and you buy 1000 yards.
5. When you use your toothbrush to brush your teeth and not comb your hair.
4. You have a chance to buy additional life insurance but you buy a new convertible car instead.
3. Your doctor tells you to lose weight and do something about your cholesterol and you actually listen.
2. When your biggest annual celebration is again your birthday, and not the day you were diagnosed.
1. When you use your Visa card more than your hospital parking pass.
10 Your alarm clock goes off at 6 a.m. and you're glad to hear it.
9. Your mother-in-law invites you to lunch and you just say NO.
8. You're back in the family rotation to take out the garbage.
7. When you no longer have an urge to choke the person who says, "all you need to beat cancer is the right attitude."
6. When your dental floss runs out and you buy 1000 yards.
5. When you use your toothbrush to brush your teeth and not comb your hair.
4. You have a chance to buy additional life insurance but you buy a new convertible car instead.
3. Your doctor tells you to lose weight and do something about your cholesterol and you actually listen.
2. When your biggest annual celebration is again your birthday, and not the day you were diagnosed.
1. When you use your Visa card more than your hospital parking pass.
Bad News and Really Bad News...
A seventy-year man goes to the doctor for a health check-up. After some tests and checks, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
Guy: And the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.
Guy: Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!
Enjoy the Day.... Rob (_*_)
"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing." William James
Saturday, July 7, 2007
The Funny Pages
Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: from allnurses.com
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey ..."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey ..."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
Have a truly great day!! Rob;
"Laughter in and of itself cannot cure cancer nor prevent cancer, but laughter as part of the full range of positive emotions including hope, love, faith, strong will to live, determination and purpose, can be a significant and indispensable aspect of the total fight for recovery."-Harold H. Benjamin, PhD
Friday, June 29, 2007
Store Wars
For all you organinic Star Wars fans. Enjoy!!
Rob
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"Food is power. Are you in control of yours?" John Jeavons
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