Death Awareness

David Kuhl is a Vancouver doctor, researcher, and the author of "What Dying People Want: Practical Wisdom for the End of Life".   David's book is based on research that he did with people who were living with a terminal illness.  "David Kuhl has peeled back the cover on the inner experience of living with dying. What Dying People Want synthesizes the wisdom of ancient mythology and insights from depth psychology with real-life perspectives of people living in the long shadow of death.  Kuhl's message is brimming with hope.  This book has relevance for us all."  Ira Byock. M.D. author of "Dying Well"

In his book David speaks of "time and anxiety" and suggests the following exercise as a way coming to grips with the proximity of death in our lives.

Instructions:  Adapted from “What Dying People Want” by David Kuhl pp 29-30

1. Think of the line above as representing your lifetime. Place an X on the line to show where you believe you are at present. Once you have done this take note of your feelings. Do you have a sense of relief? Of anxiety? Of fear? What else comes up for you?
2. Think of six significant events in your life. Number these events 1 through 6 and place the numbers on the line. Again, take note of your emotions as you recall these events.
3. Consider the line between X and DEATH. How would you like to live this period? Is there anything special you would like to do? Choose six significant events that you would like to “fit in” before the end of your life. Number these events 1 through 6, and place the numbers on the line.

I have worked with this exercise twice now since I was diagnosed. Once in the Fall of 2004 and again this Summer.  On each occasion I have found myself placing the X fairly near to the end of the line.  I have found it helpful each time, both in assessing what has been important in my life and in determining how to live with what time I have left.  It is interesting for me to note that I have now lived much longer than what I had anticipated shortly after my diagnosis in 2004.

There have been times during the past 6 years where I have enjoyed the sense of a much longer "future horizon".   These were times when I was able to make plans and commitments that went years into the future.  Whilst in the midst of lengthy periods of remission I have even believed, at times, that I might live out a normal life-span.  Regrettably this is much less so now.  With each recurrence I am jolted back to reality and made to realize again that "life is short"!

David asks his readers to imagine a scenario where you have just learned that you have a terminal illness and only 6 to 12 months left to live.  You now place an X very near to the end of the life-line above.  He then asks... 

1. Would you live differently?   
2. Starting when?   
3. Would you care as much what other people think about you or about what you do, how you live?   
4. How would you fill your time?

Good questions!

Peace and blessings... Rob; in Vancouver

"Life is short.  And we do not have long to gladden the hearts of those who walk the way with us.  So let us be swift to love.  And let us make haste to show kindness." Henri Amiel

The Underwear Affair!

 Yesterday we took part in the "Underwear Affair".  A very fun, fund-raising run/walk for research for cancers "below the belt"; colon, prostrate, ovarian, bladder, etc.   Our team, "The Energy Train",  included  Morgan and Brent; Kelly, Jerome, and Shea;  Pam and I; Jill and Brandi from Pam's office; and Brandi's cousin Miranda.

A great time was had by all!

view on Flickr

Our team has raised almost $4000 so far!  We are still accepting donations so if you haven't had the chance to give yet please do so.  Just hit the link to the right and choose the team member you would like to sponsor.  Your support helps us to uncover the cure! 

BTW... Pam, Morgan and I finished 291, 292, 293 in a field of 311!  YEAH!  We would have turned in a better time but I spent too much time taking pictures of all the pretty girls!!

Have a very great day!

Rob; in Vancouver

"Medical science has proven time and again 

that when the resources are provided, 

great progress in the treatment, cure, 

and prevention of disease can occur."

Michael J. Fox

HELP CURE CANCER!!

Thank you all who have sponsored me in the "Underwear Affair".  With your help I have now reached my $1000 goal!  YEAH!  Cancer is being beaten!

But Pam still needs help in making her goal so if you haven't made a donation yet but would still like to you can visit her site and sponsor her.   Just click the flashing underwear link above.

Thank you for helping to find a cure for cancer!

Love Rob and Pam; in Vancouver

Father's Day 2010

Morgan - Kelly - Robyn

A Dad's delight. And 3 Great reasons to keep on living!!

If you think these gals are cute... you should see their Mom!!

For all the blessings I have enjoyed as a Father,

I owe many thanks to my Father.

It matters not that Time has shed

His thawless snow upon your head,

For he maintains, with wondrous art,

Perpetual summer in your heart.

William Hamilton Hayne

TTFN... Rob

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"It is much easier to become a father than to be one." 

Kent Nerburn

Publish Post

"Living on the Edge"

For the past 6 years I've felt as though I have been living on the edge of death.  Or perhaps the edge of life, depending on how you look at it.  Either way, living with metastatic cancer is "living on the edge".  I tend not to share many of my thoughts about this dimension of the journey.  It is not the kind of thinking that people normally want to engage in.  But it is the kind of thinking that late-stage cancer survivors are drawn to.  At least occasionally.

I can't imagine any cancer survivor who hasn't delved a little into the "existential questions" of life and death.  For those of us with metastatic or recurrent cancers, these questions become more pressing.  To avoid them is to live in denial of our mortality.

Henri Nouwen offers up the following as food for thought...

"Is death something so terrible and absurd that we are better off not thinking or talking about it? Or... 
Is it possible to befriend our dying gradually and live open to it?  Trusting that we have nothing to fear.  
Is it possible to prepare for death with the same attentiveness that our parents had in preparing for our birth?"   
Henri Nouwen "Our Greatest Gift"

Beginning in July, I will have the opportunity to explore these and other questions in a new program I am facilitating at InspireHealth, Vancouver's integrated cancer care center. "Living on the Edge" will be a small support group for "late-stage" cancer survivors.  Themes explored will include: facing death; accepting our mortality; getting the most out of THIS life; doing what is life-giving; finding friends for the journey; engaging family and friends; and life after death, to name but a few.

So, over the next few months, I will be using this space to share some of my own personal reflections on this aspect of the cancer journey.  Please do not be alarmed or think that I am feeling any closer to the end of MY journey.  I am not! The truth is I have been living with this awareness of the "proximity of death" for most of the past 6 years. Much of what I'll be sharing here will come from what has been on my mind from time to time over the past several years, the "unpublished" pages of my journal.

If you're interested you can start by reading some of my previous posts on death and dying...  here.

Be well... Rob; in Vancouver

“There is no cure for birth and death,
save to enjoy the interval.”

George Santayana

Wedding - Anniversary - Engagement

June 5, 2010

I officiated at the wedding of our dear friends Amanda and Chris who came all the way from Edinburgh to be married in the Vancouver sunshine.  It was our own 29th anniversary (June 5, 1981) and to top it all off Brandon proposed to Robyn with the gift of a beautiful diamond ring at the end of the evening!  This after Robyn caught the bridal bouquet!

It was a great day and one of those rare occasions when we were all together.  Robyn returned to Edmonton this morning after a 3-week visit.  I miss her already.

Pam gave me a lovely new digital SLR camera for our anniversary so I am finally back in photography mode!

view show

Life is for living!

Rob; in Vancouver

Waking Up is Hard to Do!

The LARYNGOSPASMS with a little ditty for all you poor suckers waiting for surgery!

video link

Medical Update

I have met a few people over the past week who have been wondering "How I'm doing?"   I guess it is time for a brief "Medical Update".

I continue to receive a "targeted tumor growth inhibitor" ERBITUX.  I have now had 14 treatments of a planned 20.  These take place every 2nd Wednesday.  Side-effects remain limited to a skin rash and mild fatigue.  The good news is that there continues to be "no disease progression".  Believe me when I tell you that this is significantly good news!

I remain on medical leave and will do so through the summer.  I remain hopeful of a return to work in the Fall.

I am well and enjoying each day of this beautiful Vancouver Spring.

HELP ME!  To Uncover the Cure!!

This year Pam and I and "the Girls" are joining with some folks from Pam's office to participate in the 2010 UNDERWEAR AFFAIR!  A major fund-raising event for cancers "below the belt".  Our team is called "The Energy Train"... Toot Toot! You can help me meet my fund-raising goal by visiting my site and donating online.  It is easy.  "Rob's Underwear Site"

VISIT MY NEWEST BLOG... 60's RETRO
You know you have way too much restless time on your hands when you start something like this... 

 A "retrospective" glance at the decade that defied tradition and defined a generation!
60's Retro

TTFN... Rob; in Vancouver

"Medical science has proven time and again that when the resources are provided, 

great progress in the treatment, cure, and prevention of disease can occur."

Michael J. Fox 

San Francisco

Pam and I were able to spring some time and make an awesome trip to San Francisco in April.  It is a city we have always wanted to visit and it was in all ways worth the trip.  We initially planned on driving down the Oregon Coast and taking in the Redwoods of Northern California on the way but eventually had to scrap that plan in favour of a round-trip flight.

I prepped for the trip by reading "A Crack in the Edge of the World" by  Simon Winchester.  This is an excellent account of the 1906 earthquake and fire and a good general history of Northern California.  Pam and I also watched "Milk", "Vertigo", "Bullit", and "Yours Mine and Ours"!

A big part of our trip was to visit our friends John and Adrian.  John is a fellow cancer survivor and one of the very few who shares my particular situation of a "sacral tumour".  John and Adrian proved to be excellent guides with the highlight of the trip a day-long excursion to Point Reyes Park on the very west coast!  It was truly a great day!

 John, Pam, and Adrian on the San Andreas Fault

We delighted in exploring the "Beat", "Hippy", and "Gay" cultural history of San Francisico.  I was rewarded in my visit to City Lights Bookstore with a chance meeting with Beat poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti.  Interestingly, I had imagined meeting him before going there and poof... he materialised out of his upstairs office while I was browsing books.  I was a little dumbfounded at first and then followed him downstairs where he signed a book of poetry he had recently editted.  Thomas Merton was a friend of Ferlinghetti's and spent his last night in the US with him before his Asia trip.  But that is another story.

Lawrence Ferlinghetti

We took in a movie in the famed Castro Theatre on Castro Street, tasted wines at Fishermen's Wharf, and shopped for bra's at Victoria's Secret.  We travelled by streetcar, trolley, BART, bus, and MUNI.  Getting around was easy and fun.

I fulfilled the pilgrimage portion of the trip with visits to the National St. Francis Shrine and the original St. Francis Mission.     

We would dearly love to return!

TTFN... Rob; in Vancouver

"Everything the Beats stood for 
was the opposite of the dominant culture today."

Lawrence Ferlinghetti

This Too Shall Pass

This is a "must-share" video!