Well Enough!

Most cancer survivors are familiar with the inevitable "How are you?" question from family and friends.  It is innocuous enough in most instances but can become challenging when it can't be answered with the obligatory "I'm Fine".

For the most part we have reduced "How are you?" down to a rather meaningless greeting.  It fits in very nicely with "Hi!" as in "Hi! How are you?".  Likewise, the response has mostly been reduced down to a meaningless "Fine", or perhaps the lengthier version "I'm doing good", whether or not we happen to be "fine" or "good" at all.

Ah... but for the cancer patient, and their circle of friends and family, this becomes a much richer exchange.  To begin with, the friend comes with a genuine curiosity, heartfelt care and concern. They earnestly want to know "how you are", and equally earnestly want to hear that "you are well".  Family and friends are our strongest hope bearers.  They want us to be well, and if they could will it, we would all be well.  There is no stronger healing power in the world than the love and prayers of family and friends!

Be that as it may, the problem arises on those, not infrequent, occasions when we are not feeling "fine", "well", or "good".  For myself, I wonder "How much do I say?"   My experience has been that people's eyes often begin to glaze over when I launch into a litany of minor medical problems, or they begin to squirm when I relate the nasty details of the latest disease progression or treatment regime. 

Those who know me and have followed my blog know that I have always been forthcoming and detailed about my condition, my treatments, and my options going forward.  But still... the greeting "How are you?"  challenges me.  How do I answer, honestly and succinctly?

I have finally found the response which now works best for me...  "I am well enough."   "Well enough" seems to sum it up for me at this particular stage of the journey.  I am certainly not as well as I would like to be.  I am not able to work in the job that I love.  Nor I am not able to travel to Florida to visit my folks and many friends there. I can't even take a lengthy roadtrip to visit friends in the North, the Okanagan, or the Kootenays. It is difficult to plan much of my life beyond a few months at a time. Each of these things, and many others, are a cause for disappointment and some sadness. Alas!

However...  I was well enough to attend Robyn's wedding in Edmonton and dance 'til the "wee hours". I am well enough to walk the forests and seawalls of Stanley Park with friends and colleagues.  I am well enough to enjoy lunch and a matinee movie with my daughters Kelly and Morgan.  I am well enough to anticipate with great joy the birth of Robyn's child next Spring.  I am well enough to enjoy the occasional night out at the symphony or a play.  I am well enough to explore the many different options for living well (enough) with this deadly disease. And I am well enough to enjoy each day and night, each moment, with my beloved wife and partner Pam.

And that brothers and sisters is  W E L L   E N O U G H!!

Be well enough... Rob, in Vancouver