Death Awareness

David Kuhl is a Vancouver doctor, researcher, and the author of "What Dying People Want: Practical Wisdom for the End of Life".   David's book is based on research that he did with people who were living with a terminal illness.  "David Kuhl has peeled back the cover on the inner experience of living with dying. What Dying People Want synthesizes the wisdom of ancient mythology and insights from depth psychology with real-life perspectives of people living in the long shadow of death.  Kuhl's message is brimming with hope.  This book has relevance for us all."  Ira Byock. M.D. author of "Dying Well"

In his book David speaks of "time and anxiety" and suggests the following exercise as a way coming to grips with the proximity of death in our lives.

Instructions:  Adapted from “What Dying People Want” by David Kuhl pp 29-30

1. Think of the line above as representing your lifetime. Place an X on the line to show where you believe you are at present. Once you have done this take note of your feelings. Do you have a sense of relief? Of anxiety? Of fear? What else comes up for you?
2. Think of six significant events in your life. Number these events 1 through 6 and place the numbers on the line. Again, take note of your emotions as you recall these events.
3. Consider the line between X and DEATH. How would you like to live this period? Is there anything special you would like to do? Choose six significant events that you would like to “fit in” before the end of your life. Number these events 1 through 6, and place the numbers on the line.

I have worked with this exercise twice now since I was diagnosed. Once in the Fall of 2004 and again this Summer.  On each occasion I have found myself placing the X fairly near to the end of the line.  I have found it helpful each time, both in assessing what has been important in my life and in determining how to live with what time I have left.  It is interesting for me to note that I have now lived much longer than what I had anticipated shortly after my diagnosis in 2004.

There have been times during the past 6 years where I have enjoyed the sense of a much longer "future horizon".   These were times when I was able to make plans and commitments that went years into the future.  Whilst in the midst of lengthy periods of remission I have even believed, at times, that I might live out a normal life-span.  Regrettably this is much less so now.  With each recurrence I am jolted back to reality and made to realize again that "life is short"!

David asks his readers to imagine a scenario where you have just learned that you have a terminal illness and only 6 to 12 months left to live.  You now place an X very near to the end of the life-line above.  He then asks... 

1. Would you live differently?   
2. Starting when?   
3. Would you care as much what other people think about you or about what you do, how you live?   
4. How would you fill your time?

Good questions!

Peace and blessings... Rob; in Vancouver

"Life is short.  And we do not have long to gladden the hearts of those who walk the way with us.  So let us be swift to love.  And let us make haste to show kindness." Henri Amiel