Guess I'm Doing Fine

John Tinker: Rest in Peace

I lost a dear friend, and fellow pilgrim on the cancer journey, last night.  John died peacefully at home, free of pain, and in the arms of his beloved partner, Adrian.  In his last few days he was remarkably free of the pain that had racked his body for the last several months.

John was a deep thinker, an avid reader, a gifted writer, an inspiring teacher, a good friend, a passionate gardener, and a fun and faithful partner.  Others could say more, but this much, at least, I know to be true.

John and I met in cyberspace through the American Cancer Society's online support network. John, his partner Adrian, and I made a quick connection and found that we were bound in part by the common cards this dread disease had dealt us.  John and I both had colon cancer that had spread to our sacrum, the lower vertebrae of the spine, the "Holy Bone".  A painful and deadly recurrence.

Our relationships grew to include personal e-mails between John, Adrian, my wife Pam, and myself.  In time I called John and we began to converse about symptoms and treatment options on the phone.  Finally, last April, Pam and I traveled to San Francisco, where we were met by a smiling John and Adrian at the airport (SFO), and where we enjoyed much of their company over a wonderful 5-day visit.  Highlights of our visit included a roadtrip to Point Reyes park and a pizza dinner at their beautifully restored home and garden.

In addition to sharing a common ailment, John and I shared much in common in our approach to living with cancer.  John engaged the experience of living with a life-threatening disease deeply.  (John engaged all of the experiences of life deeply!)   After much thought, wrestling, and a transformative hypnosis session, John came to the point of understanding that is best summed up in his own words...  "I cannot control the disease; I can control how I experience the disease."

John lived deeply and joyously through his life with cancer.  He focused on what was "life-giving", which for John was his relationship with Adrian, his garden, his writing, his friends, and "Hogarth", John and Adrian's lively boxer.  This is not to say that he did not have times of deep pain and suffering.  He most certainly did, both physically and psychologically.  Yet he was able to reflect on such periods, write of them, and ultimately transcend them.  Where some might become embittered and resentful, John remained gracious and loving. 

John shared some of his writing on the experience of living with cancer with me.  His writing of this experience was detailed in its descriptions, insightful in its analysis, and graceful in its conclusions.  I hope some of it finds its way to publication.  It is certainly most worthy of it.

The picture of John above is not complete.  It is cropped from a larger picture and a larger context...

... the context of love.  I have not known John, apart from Adrian.  Together they lived a rich life of creativity and love.  Their home and garden is a living expression of such creativity and love.

Robert Louis Stevenson said that... "Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well."   John was dealt a bad hand with a deadly cancer, but he played it graciously well.

God be with you John Tinker... until we meet again...

My deepest and heartfelt condolences go out to Adrian and to John's great circle of colleagues, family, and friends.

Peace and blessings...  Rob; in Vancouver

"Despite all of this, we focus on good things.   

As I write, Adrian and I are sipping champagne.  

 Hogarth is nestled up with us, and life is good."

John Tinker

John Tinker

I have put this together using some pictures from John's CaringBridge site and a few of my own.  A small tribute to a wonderful person.  Gone far too soon...

Robyn & Brandon 10-10-10

We had a great Thanksgiving Weekend in Edmonton celebrating Robyn and Brandon's wedding.  The weather was fantastic, we had an awesome collection of family and friends, and the weekend was filled with many wonderful moments.

I had been very sick the week before the wedding and was only able to pull off the travel after significant help from my oncologist, my GP, and a new pain management regime.  As it turned out my energy increased through the weekend and by 10-10-10 I was able to walk Robyn down the aisle and dance 'til 1:00AM!!

One of the many highlights of the wedding was attendance of a few special friends from my High School days in Calgary.   It was like a mini-reunion!  Gerry came down from Manning, Alberta, Nancy, who we hadn't seen since our own wedding 30 years ago, came up from Calgary,  and Missy also came up from Calgary, where she has lived since relocating from Vancouver a few years ago.  It was a wonderful treat to share a table with them at the wedding!

Rob - Missy - Nancy - Gerry

  The following video features some highlights from the wedding.  Pictures were taken mostly by Kelly's partner Jerome.  It is impossible to capture all of the great moments or wonderful people who attended.  Even so, this short clip gives a sense of the celebration.  I've used a couple of Beatles tunes again.

Be well... Rob, Father-of-the-Bride; in Vancouver...

Robyn & Brandon 10-10-10

Greetings From Edmonton!

We're here in Sunny Alberta to celebrate the marriage of our daughter Robyn and her partner, Brandon.  It is shaping up to be a great celebration as family gathers from coast to coast in this beautiful Alberta city.  The "nuptials" themselves will take place on 10-10-10!

Major Health Down Turn

I don't have time now to say all of what has happened over the last several weeks.  Suffice it to say that the nice little "bubble of wellness" I have enjoyed for most of the last year seems to have burst!!   I had a very tough time of it after my last chemo (last Monday).  Increased pain, loss of bladder control, debilitating fatigue, bowel distress...  you don't want the details. To make a long story short... I spent my birthday, this Monday, with my Oncologist and a palliative specialist to get me on my feet for this trip.  With the help of my GP, a new "catheter", and a new pain management regime I was able to get on the plane Thursday and come to Edmonton!!  Today I had a major rebound of energy and by Sunday I hope I'll be fit to walk Robyn down the aisle!!  YEAH!!

I'll post more details on the wedding and my health when I am back and settled in Vancouver.  For now... All is well!!

Peace and blessing... Rob; in Edmonton!

"Yesterday I decided to go to the office.

I got as far as the bedroom door.

Chemo strikes."

Peter Jennings

Stand By Me

The path of life is not meant to be walked alone...

...with thanks to the many who continue to Stand By Me in the midst of this journey. I am richly blest.

Peace and blessings... Rob; in Vancouver

Who Cares?

Maria Dunn is our favorite Alberta Folk Singer.  She came to Vancouver a few years ago and opened at a folk concert for the "No Shit Shirleys".  Maria is a classic folk singer and has compiled an excellent collection of Western Canadian folk music.  She is socially aware and not afraid to put her voice to the many advocacy needs faced by our community.  Here is a beautiful piece written for the "Albertans Who Care" Campaign.  

Be well... Rob; in Vancouver

Michael Douglas - David Letterman

Japanese Garden - Mayne Island

 Mayne Island Light

Mayne Island is a small island in BC's "Gulf Island" Chain, between Vancouver and Victoria.  It is a beautiful island and home to a peaceful community of "islanders" and "weekenders".   Mayne Island has a history of being an agricultural community and there are still numerous active farms and a vibrant "farmer's market" every Saturday during the summer.

Pam and I spent 4 days on Mayne last week visiting our friends Harry and Dee.  One of the highlights was a visit to the "Japanese Gardens".  The "Japanese Gardens" were created to remember the Japanese families who had settled and farmed on Mayne Island in the early 1900's.   The Japanese families were evacuated and interned after the outbreak of World War II.

 Japanese Gardens - Mayne Island

I've compiled a short video of the pictures I took at the Japanese Garden along with the song "Sakura" (Cherry Blossoms) sung by the Vancouver Chamber Choir under the direction of Jon Washburn.  The plaintive, melancholic tone of the song seems to fit the mood of the garden and the sad history it commemorates.  "Sakura" is from the Chamber Choir's CD "Unexpected Gifts", part of a series of CD's entitled "Music for Healing" which has been organized by my friend, and Healing Touch practitioner, Laverne G'Froerer.  Details of this innovative music project can be found here...  "Music for Healing."  I am reminded as I reflect on this history of the many dimensions of healing and reconciliation that take place within our diverse community. 

Michael Kluckner, Canadian artist and writer, has published an excellent web page documenting some of the Japanese history of Mayne Island.  His site includes original artwork, old photos, historical information, and comments from former and current Mayne Island residents.  Michael's site can be found here...  Vanishing BC

Remembering and reflecting... Rob; in Vancouver